It’s in the timing

How do I express the passion within?

How do I let go of the long held defence?

If I show my inside, the yearning, longing…

For more and more of you.

Will they scoff as so many have before?

 

Saturday of Easter week seems the perfect time,

To think of waiting

Of timing

Of chronos and kairos

The seconds of the day I waste

Thinking of more waiting.

 

The emptiness of this Saturday

Begs to be explored

The waiting of the disciples

Unsure now, of what they were waiting for

 

They had left their good jobs and homes

To follow their leader and now…

Well he was dead

The ministry finished.

How did that feel?

 

Later there would be disbelief, doubt, rejoicing

Barbequed fish and running to tell

But now on this day

Emptiness reigns

How long can a day actually be?

As each second feels like a minute

And the hours take forever to come.

 

Going back is not an option

Matt cannot collect tax any more

Taking this hollow Saturday

To reflect and pray

And ask what do you want from me, next?

Day nine getting niggly in the detail

Don’t people love numbers, they like them black not red, they like them positive not negative, the older we get the more often we get our age in the conversation. We like time too, at this time I will do that, in three days I will do the other.

Are we ruled by them? Once a friend told me we would leave at 8:23, I nearly fell off my chair. This is Ireland, we are never on time. I have been without my glasses for a number of months and so only the 12, 3, 6 and 9 on a clock were clearly visible. Everything as a result got a little bit blurry and hazy. Time began to mean less, number I couldn’t see failed to register as important.

Driving I could not see the digital display clock or the speedometer for that matter so I drove slower and more precisely than with glasses. Today I picked them up at the opticians and was able to see properly, the shopkeeper, the displays, my reflection in the mirror, gosh my hair was a mess.

Numerology of course is the study of number things. There was a whole movement within Christianity that tried to unlock the number codes in the Bible. But all the numbers in the world don’t mean squat compared to this.

To Jesus we are one, I am one and you are one. He knows each of us better than anyone else. He knows the hairs on our head. He knows us. How wonderful, how marvelous is that!

As I spend time with Wesley I am beginning to realise that here was an academic who knew bucketloads of stuff but it didn’t mean squat till he became a new creation in the Lord. Until the Lord could see Wesley through Jesus’ eyes his life was meaningless, just like ours were before Christ.

Being articulate does not make you a child of God, book learning does not make you a child of God, only true, sincere, authentic acceptance as Christ as our Lord and Saviour with his grace, mercy and love abounding in our hearts and lives.

What a Saviour

Oh Lord I thank you for that saving grace that sought me out and changed my world inside out, put me on this rollercoaster which is scary and exciting and I wouldn’t miss one second of it. Thank you Lord for all the people you have put beside me, to help, to encourage, to challenge, to rebuke and correct me. I thank you for the Holy Spirit that ever guides my way. I am an empty vessel for you to use as you will. Thank you Jesus, thank you Lord. Amen