avoiding the cup

I just couldn’t pretend

that all was well

“tickety boo”

and I avoided the cup

I wanted to scream and shout

and jump up and down

My prayer life suddenly

precisely vile and lent

thank God he is bigger

than any self pitying

tantrum I could raise.

I thank God that he is bigger

in love for me than I

deserve.

I thank God for the guy

and for flick on the back of my head.

I thank God and crawl

to turn over the page

 

red spot

the spot on the carpet

focused my eyes

a red smudge… lipstick, blood, Heinz tomato soup?

on beige shagpile.

Pressure. Pressure. Pressure

Pressure on my head

force on my heart…

apostolic intrepidity coursing through my veins

before, prevenient, pre anything.

{look up, look up, look up}

resolute missionary

dauntless explorer

one nerve hitting another

in domino effect.

Red spot on beige, the name of an art piece

{look up, look up, look up}

eyes lifted

hand raised

heart weirdly warmed

mind transformed

Soul forever His

Tim or Ruby or Tina

Who will I meet today?

Who in my small world?

I prayerfully consider:

Who is my Tim, my Ruby?

I have my Tina girl.

{look up, look up, look up}

Father, Father,

Help me please

become

an intrepid explorer

in my own back yard

Give me strength, give me courage

Fill me with that enduring love

and most of all

abide with me this day.

{look up, look up, look up}

 

Sermon 25~~~Upon our Lord’s Sermon on the Mount~~~Discourse 5

“Think not that I am come to destroy the Law or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you: Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For verily I say unto you: That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the Scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.” Matt. 6:1–15.

I was struggling with one of the commandments, it caused me to walk away from church as a teenager and when I returned it was still there: Front and centre. Joining a Bible study didn’t help, we were studying the Sermon on the Mount and so I heard what fulfilling the Law by Jesus meant and that it wasn’t about following the letter of the Law but following the explicit and implicit nature of the Law. So not only the act, but the first iota of an inkling of the act.

I spoke to one of our Local Preachers about it and they said and I quote:

“oh don’t worry about them that is why we have the New Testament we don’t have to worry about the Old Testament at all.”

Now young as I was in my faith walk this didn’t make sense, firstly if we weren’t to worry about the Old Testament then why was it still attached to the New physically in our bibles. Secondly we hear Jesus himself saying

“I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.”

The LP in question were themselves living a precarious life – preaching without call and preaching when preaching itself was contrary to their beliefs, but I found this out later.

But it raised queries for me and sent me on a journey of discovery of how to ‘without a shadow of doubt’ be following the ten commandments, I left the 613 other laws alone as I am partial to a fried prawn curry and my friends were not abominations.

Two things I discovered in my journey and these are vital for spiritual growth:

1. you have to ask, not just of God but of godly men and women whom you trust and listen to their replies with discernment. The wisest of the wise of humans can get it wrong sometimes too.

2. this is not a solitary journey, people walk alongside, some for a season, some for a season or two but all who walk have their own backstory and motivations.

Jesus did not land on this earth so we can read his words and go – “oh that’s nice.” No he came to change the world, change history, change us, individually – you and me.

March 2014 a vid was shown in church, to show a model of mission and specifically shown to me to raise questions about where is the mission field. Like the questions weren’t there already. A few years ago I had the privilege of viewing and touching some of the modern art held by the Methodist Church in Britain. Yes I did say touch, I couldn’t help it, it was so tactile it drew me in and I touched.

It wasn’t the Diwali madonna or the graphic depictions of the death of Christ, it wasn’t five and chips on the mountain. It was “Cross over the city,” a mixed media (Polyester, brass and mosaic, relief panel) conceptual depiction of The Cross over a city. For me it spoke missionally of housing estates where God is not known. No Pharisees live there and the law is that of the concrete jungle – the hierarchical nature of crime- controlled by the older but carried out be the very young. How do we reach those children, whose light quickly fades and is not present from the age of eight? How can hope be found for those that see life as endless drudge of pain and painkillers? Where the rite of passage into adulthood is not a ritual of confirmation into a church but a gang rape for her and needle for him and where that ritual takes place in ever lowering ages. What age will it stop?

These people do not know the commandments, do not know anything about the Lord and his saving grace, do not know anything about right from wrong. I call them people because children are humans too. How can they even hope to have the righteousness of a Pharisee with no knowledge of the Lord?

And where are we? Tucked up safely in our homes, barricaded in – lest they take out. Where we have no concept of how others live. Someone told me once that everyone has a choice. But not if they are living without choices – where children are groomed to accept whatever is thrown at them.

Jesus came for all of us, not just the twin set and pearls and suited ones, but the raggedy ones, the ones like me and you.

I may have openly struggled with one of the ten, but I was struggling for more secretly with others but until I sorted the open one I was held in grace until such a time was right, timing is everything with the Lord.

Three poems…

Over the last three weeks I have been focusing on essays I must write without actually putting pen to paper. What happened instead was an outpouring of bad poetry on each of the three themes: all can be saved, Holy Communion and reviewing a book.

On Writing A Book Report

Clathrate of believers

                Not an enclave or conclave

But a lacy network

That grows in the Spirit

 

Antrorse facing people

With outstretched arms to all

                Not an enclave or conclave

But a lacy network

That grows in the Spirit

 

Adducent followers

Focusing on the Cross

Not an enclave or conclave

But a lacy network

That grows in the Spirit

All Can Be Saved – even you and me

God’s love is everlasting

His love is ever true

God’s love is just and perfect

Free to all of us

 

God’s love is for all

Everyone including you

God’s love is for all

Everyone including me.

 

God’s grace is so unending

Fathomless and ever so deep

Undeserved favour waiting

For me and for you.

 

God’s love is for all

Everyone including you

God’s love is for all

Everyone including me.

 

God’s mercy, oh God’s mercy

Gives all a real Hope

Of forgiveness to its fullest

Of life eternally.

 

God’s love is for all

Everyone including you

God’s love is for all

Everyone including me.

 

Meeting at the Table

Come, come

Come to the table

 

Come, come

Meet Him today

 

Come, come

Lay yourself bare

 

Come, come

Experience life

 

Come, come

Open your heart

 

Come, come

Accept the Lord in

 

Come, come

Blessed assurance

 

Come, come

Christ is the King