The person I know is still shy, still doesn’t like big groups of people, needs to know the exits, prefers her own company, gets really nervous when having to stand front and centre.
To those of you who only know me in the last while this may come as a shock to you.
To some I am a contradiction, to others I am a lie.
When I am passionate about something I will speak, if it is personal there will be elements of introversion but if it is too important not to say I stride through to get the message across.
Sometimes mid stride I falter and I think of Peter stepping out of the boat. Full of bravado and initial courage and then the splash.
When I speak without notes I am more confident than when I have notes, because I know where there is weakness, strength will come.
But sometimes when the connection isn’t quite so clear and strong, I am left floundering like a beached dolphin. And sometimes when the enormity of the honour I have in proclaiming His gospel just dwells in my heart and bursts upwards I get so gobsmacked that I cannot speak.
I am trying not to be in anyway humorous but it is ironic that I get silenced sometimes whilst preaching. In those moments I think of where He found me, I think of where He has thus taken me and where He is taking me and I just feel his love pouring over me and in me, it makes me feel all sparkly and new and I plough on.
When thinking of the person I was, I find it incredibly imaginative of God to even consider trying to use one such as me. But having spent much time rejecting the notion, some time in obedience and some time in joyful obedience…
Today I stand… I stand with Jesus… I stand in the situation I live… I stand here obediently waiting…I stand wondering where this adventure will take me next… I stand tall, firmly rooted in my Saviour, firmly rooted in His word, firmly rooted in the faith given to me.
How could I not?
He chose me, me this sinful weak creature. How could I not?
What a privilege!
What an awesome privilege!