Contemplating Prayer…

He has saved us and called us to a holy life – not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time,

2 Timothy 1:9 NIVUK

I have, in the last week, been spending more time with the verse of the day: a randomly generated bible verse somewhere on this planet delivered to me sometimes in my inbox and sometimes as the first window I open on my laptop.

It became a habit before to just glance, smile wryly and then get on with my life. So I changed and thus far the change has continued. Let me explain – last night I put the shout out at VB that to only pray without something else, without music, or the drone of an engine, or a scripture reading I found really difficult. Praying with another person was important, in fact vital for growth – I can get that, but that involves listening to another human and God.

Praying in my everyday as I drive, scrub floors, cook – I get that, I do that.

BUT

Praying on its own. Doing nothing else but pray. I commune with God in the noise of life. Is it possible to get to a deeper conversation than one heart speaking to another?

I read today’s scripture and I realise it is not about being disciplined – although that is a by-product, it is about relationship. When I was a child as soon as I received a gift I had to write a thank you letter, as time went on this became a phone call, then an email, then a text {if I remember}

And maybe I had relegated prayer too, from those times of utter anguish writhing on the floor in despair when all I did all day was pray to this piecemeal whenever I think of it…

When I got home from the school run I turned off the engine and at first I was enjoying Lorelei not know what was happening – in her mind van has stopped so mum should get out…

BUT

I didn’t

I sat at first in silence

And then in bolder language

And I prayed

I prayed for something that was resolved last night, I prayed that I don’t react in the same way the next time, I prayed for healing for that person specifically and a whole bunch of people who needed prayer for sickness and other stuff.

I prayed for my people.

I prayed and in praying {obediently with discipline} I realised how long it had been since I had just been, doing nothing except prayer. Even now as I write, I have UCB on, I reading through something to be delivered later, drinking a cup of tea.

So yes, I was convicted today

God does not want a piece of me when I can fit him in. He wants all of me, all the time, yes in that constant stream of conversation that happens when you know someone really well. But also making that space, that time, “the letter writing time” to listen and talk intentionally about other people.

I have an amazing Heavenly Father, who wants the very best for me and it is in His want and my need that we meet. I don’t know what the Christian language is for this – but I have got my mojo back. My confidence is back with a bang and I will not listen to those “containing” words of others. He has made me this way for a purpose and it is His purpose for which I live.

Each day in the VB process I have learned something new about my relationship with the Lord, I have changed a little and reset perspective over and over. I love these changes, I love that slowly he is making me more and more fit for purpose. I pray that I never let the pomposity of “Temple” enter into my reality, I pray that He continues to grow me, continues to use me, continues to be in communion with me. I LOVE MY GOD.

washing-scaled1000

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