What was that?

I am not writing a response to discourse 2 {the witness of the Spirit} because John Wesley argued well and I know where I stand – alongside him all the way.

But this is also my journal so (very vaguely) here is where I am at.

“Who cares about x,y or z, I am only concerned with you!” approx quote from a great man of faith, whose exponential growth I am witness too.

“Suzie, that prayer about ‘call’ I have been gathering the courage to speak to you about my call to preach. But then you said what you said and I am being compelled to talk to you about it,” approx quote from a potential LP in training.

“You were stunning.” I have to put this in because it makes me smile and laugh.

Those were the one-to-ones that I can write down because they are in PD. However I had many more, it started on Saturday with a missed call and went all the way through Sunday. There were talks about specific stuff, vague stuff and all the shades in between.

A phrase I didn’t expect to hear was “Action Research,” that took me back to 1999 and a process I was engaged in. The ‘me’ back then organised a national day long event forĀ professors and TD’s and a whole host of other people including organising children to attend workshops and loads of other bitty things. I reckon if that ‘me’ could do that, this ‘me’ can do what is being asked of me now.

t was weird really because, back then I was full of anxiety and fear, they ruled me with an iron claw and still could do things like that. Yesterday I spoke to someone who still has anxiety and fear but stands up to preach. I was listening to them describe the anxiety and my checkbox in my head was going “no that is not me anymore, no don’t do that, no haven’t done that for ages, no, no, no!” and well I was no use to them because they have been where I have been and didn’t get out of it what I did. So God’s plan for each of us is different.

I am free from anxiety and fear, I don’t have huge doubts, or little ones really – — when and only when I stick to the path but as soon as their is even a hint of pride coming in I am back doubting even the simplest tasks to perform.

Someone was saying yesterday that as you go along and do it more often sure you can take one out of the bag on the cuff. And we weren’t talking preaching. But I have to have that edge, there are edges to this path. I have to work at the process of doing things so that I can stand on the fly and hopefully encourage a group of people.

What would you say to a special bunch of people that you must leave behind? What can you say when the faithiest Christian I have ever met holds you in a long embrace whilst publicly praying for you? I am used to the love of these people, last year it was new to me, but this year I know it is there, it palpably exists, there is love in that building and it is a special kind of love that isn’t always found in churches.

My favourite quote from yesterday has to be, “if you let yourself down, you are letting the team back here down, so head up and go and wow them.”

oh and … “were you talking about me, has someone been talking to you, you were, you were talking about me.” I wasn’t but it will do no harm for them to think I was.

I am loved…by God…by Millstreet congregation and I love … God and …Millstreet Methodist Church

and obv there is more love but this was special…

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