Really! {a response to R of F}

Just as I am, really?
Like you have no idea
No concept, no notion
Of where I have been
And what I have done

Just as I am, really?
Like I don’t know the words
Or when to stand and sit
Or when to pray
And what is prayer anyway?

Just as I am, really?
Like you people are all nice
And you have the right clothes
And the right shoes and notes
For the collection and
What is that for any way?

Just as I am, really?
I’m not clean,
Not whiter than snow
Not even off white or cream
My history is disorder
My present is chaos
Who knows what the future will bring

Just as I am, really?
So just speak, just start
The conversation with You
And what do I say, s’pose
Sorry for like everything
Is a beginning of sorts innit
But what if I have no words
What if the words don’t come
How will we talk
How will you know

No one inside knew
What it took to walk in
No one knew what was
Going on inside
My head, my tum, my heart
But You did and You helped me
I remember it so well
You calmed me and took my hand
You whispered into my ear and
I spoke, not out my mouth
But somehow miraculously from
My heart to Yours
And the clothes didn’t matter
No not even the “prayer”
The words tumbled out
I sat in by the window
And stared at the Cross
Just as I am, really!

Sermon Seven ~~~ The Way to the Kingdom

Wesley repeats important truths in this sermon and expands on what the concept of Kingdom is, where it is and the way to it. The excellent monologue just makes me imagine:

Imagine Wesley delivering in full vitriol to begin with and then towards the end dropping to a quieter voice as those listening could not stop but be moved, moved to repentance, imagine a poor man listening to the good news for maybe the hundredth time but this time he hears it – he hears about Kingdom living & thinking that includes him, and not just him but every living breathing human on this planet.

Today we are re-evaluating what to be human means, what is the human condition in a broken down house in the back end of nowhere, or a city flatshare with needles and accoutrement of a certain lifestyle, or the middle of a warzone where girls are no longer people but things to be used and boys are given oversized guns and taught to fight from a too early age, or middle Christian land where outreach is something that is done at 2pm on Saturdays in the local mall – all very pleasant and clean, or living in a tent in the forest, or going off radar altogether, or living in a nursing home remembering scripture and hymns taught long ago but the name of the person in the mirror slips away into the ether, or consumed by technology so that the only human contact is made through FB or some other social media site.

Are we human? Are we there yet? All humans breathe in and out and our hearts squeeze and contract approx. 60-100 times a minutes, we drink and eat and we expel waste products. Whenever I get to thinking about humans and how horrific we can be to one another I remember an article about prison life and cell punishment of pepper and urine and I remember being repulsed, and still am, by such behaviour of one human being to another. It is my image for the state of things. But I know there are worse atrocities out there, outside my cosy walls. What kind of kingdom are we living in that this happens?

But we live in another kingdom too. One that turns upside down the whole order of things, where the Marty Feldman and John Law sketch on “Class” is completely disregarded and not just class, but gender, race, culture, wealth and all the other transparent barriers we make for ourselves.

John Wesley ends with

“Now cast thyself on the Lamb of God, with all thy sins, how many soever they be; and
“an entrance shall” now “be ministered unto thee, into the kingdom of our Lord and Saviour
Jesus Christ!”