I have it sussed. Well I know the root of it so now it is a question of getting that weed out. It should be easy to shift, the root ball was hit with God’s weedkiller a few years ago. I think that I am turning to default because to take this next step is moving into an area of massive responsibility. The one thing above all other things, and they are many, that I have admired with Local Preachers is their ability to stand over the message. It is an awesome responsibility to deliver the sermon to a bunch of messy people just like me. And you can’t hide, fade into the background, the voice must be heard, the stance has to be confident.
I remember saying I would preach one sermon.
I remember offering to write sermons but not preach them.
I remember speaking out loud a prayer.
I remember singing out loud for the first time in a very long time.
Sitting here and now these seem such small things but I remember them as big a steps as the one I am about to take. Maybe that is the key. Go back to those steps, climb up them, one, two, three and run into the arms of Love. That instrument of the Lord, who took children in and loved them, with all the love God gave her. She loved because first He loved her.
I use the phrase, I over use the phrase “get over myself” because to become so introspective is selfish, it makes it about me when it should only ever be about Jesus. Me standing up and delivering a service on Sunday is not on any parallel with what Jesus has done for me. He called me down from a tree. he met me at a well, he wrote in the sand, he gave me crumbs, I touched his clothes and he healed me, he told me to get up and take my mat.
We are to live uncomfortably in this world, I prayed for someone last night for someone in a pit of despair, unable to get out but comfortable because it is what they know. I prayed that God would make it uncomfortable so they would accept his healing hand.
I embrace therefore, the uncomfortableness of how I am feeling. It is my emotions in turmoil, it is good. Pressing on!