Diary day 13 wobbling with wesley

To give some idea of where I was this morning – i put in a google search “looking for spiritual inspiration. What do you want from me Lord?” I like to be specific when I am googling. The first image that came up said “When you feel least like praising God is when you need to be praising Him most”

Yes, i thought, have already been tapping into that but today I need more so I went to the root page of the website and this is what was there:

You are anointed

You are blessed

You are equipped

You are empowered

You can do all things

h  u  g  h C h r i s t



And that is the key isn’t it. No I am not capable, I am not ready, I can’t do this, I am mass of doubt in my gifts and talents, I sell up my weaknesses, I want to be in the third row by the radiator barely speaking. There was a pretty picture too but it was the words that pierced me


That is not how Christ wants to use me. And it is not about me. It never has been. This is his message that is to be proclaimed by me to bring people in so he can do a work in him. With his strength he uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things. For me the extraordinary is standing up and speaking coherently so his message can be heard. I am ordinary but when I tap into the Living Lord who dwells within, his work is done through me. I am invisible it is him that is seen.

O Lord

thank you that even google is not beyond your vastness. thank you for using whatever tools we use so your good is done in this world, thank you for helping me get over myself, without you I am unable, incapable, soooooo not ready. With you, use me however you wish, open my mouth and let coherence be heard, open my mind so I can delve into the recesses and find whatever is needed to be heard next week. Lord because of your transforming power my past life is fading into the ether of time, but I know that snippets need to be heard so help me find what is helpful. Lord I thank you for moving me from my default position into this scary exciting place, be with me always. I love you because first you looked for me and loved me. I am sorry for the years of dissing since you first called to me and I thank you for your forgiveness in that and many other areas, I thank you that it is all forgotten by you now and I rest in your arms, in your merciful, grace filled arms. Amen

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