testing{time}revisit

five minute testimony, well that’s a poser isn’t it.

How has the transforming Lord transformed me.

I talk sometimes about the restoration or rebuilding as terms for the transforming love of Christ.

Being self sufficient for most of my life meant that it took time for me to leave the dark entirely.

The dark was comfortable in that it was what I knew, it was all I knew bar Blue’s light and that was tainted by Harry.

When you are in the dark like a mushroom you expect more manure to be shovelled on top of you because it always has been shovelled and always will.

So if you lose your job, lose your house, lose your spouse, become addicted to gambling, H, scnapps or porn, be abused, abuse, be violent, be depressed, have phobias, are physically ill, have psychosomatic symptoms, have self harm thoughts, act out self harm. It is all just more manure on your mushroom self.

And it is what you know, it was what I knew.

When my children got diagnosed, my family members were pleased it was me with them because I could cope with that.

Well of course I could cope with having two gorgeous loving and lovely children who needed me to be a parent. That is being a parent isn’t it? Offering unconditional love no matter what.

Well the no matter what has come to bite me.

The biggest belly laugh I have had for a good while happened during a serious sharing session when I admitted someone had threatened to burn my house down. The two of burst of laughing because at that moment and for a good while I had hated my house and what better way to move than if it was razed, not by me – (arson – gave that up as a child) Typically though I had been healed of hating my house and had no wish for it to be burned.

In recent times I have had crockery thrown at me, sometimes with stuff in it. Questions arise at times like this, and this is what I mean by everyone’s normal is different:

“If I allow the plate to hit me it will hurt but I won’t need to replace the glass in the door”

“Do I deserve the plate to hit me?”

“Will I buy plastic plates? there are nice picnic ones around at the moment.”

“Will I react?”

“How do I react?”

“What would be an acceptable reaction?”

Because of the transforming love of Christ, many of these questions are now dismissed immediately. The plastic plates suggestion remains. Six months ago I had 8 pasta bowls, now I have three.

Five minute testimony – what one person can find a simple question to ask, can create many answers, all true.

But how much true can people handle?

How much true am I willing to share?

I did the whole becoming a Christian wrong. I started going to church. Met all these “good” people and kept quiet. I wasn’t introduced to church by a friend. I wasn’t brought to church. I just turned up one Sunday, on my own. No matter how simple a church professes to be there are rituals to be learned, when to sit, when to stand, in some cases when to kneel. All these things took time. Extempore praying, corporate intercessory praying, chatting between segments – all things that took time to assimilate. There is still loads I don’t understand, the whole communion thing, why no agape meals. I’m not the only one, last year one of the congregation found out they were attending a protestant church!

Start of.

Test1

I started going to church in 2007, I walked in on my own and could have got offended within a week or so, I didn’t know the rules. I didn’t know you had to ask Jesus into your life. I thought you went to church. End of. So I did it all wrong. But “church” makes it hard. “Church” people make it hard. Speak in tongues, don’t speak in tongues, speak in tongues in private, don’t wear jeans, don’t swear (well don’t get caught), don’t drink, don’t smoke, show love to friends and enemies but not gay people. Then there is the list of things we are to be: patient, kind, self controlled etc. I saw people really struggle with these and they were proper Christians. And there was hugging (brrrrr!!!!)

Test2

So then I did the whole becoming a follower of Christ right (possibly). I ignored “church” and “church rules” and “good” people. I got down and dirty with my Lord, He met me at my point of pain and healed me. Now He did freak me out and I couldn’t accept full healing because it was too crazy, too good, too wonderful but what I took and what I was given was amazing.

After a time I asked for full healing and what a rush. I mean I thought my mind had opened exponentially before, I called it “T.A.R.D.I.S.” mind. My mind, my heart, my legs, I have so much energy, to write, to create, to read, to walk, to run (not allowed), to find creative ways of dealing with issues, to pray tons and sing loads, to praise and worship and love. So hugging – yeah I get that now-(ish) And after last week have stopped digging my heels in, though I accept I might do it again. He has drenched me in mercy – who’d want someone like me? He has doused me in grace and most amazingly for someone like, for so long unloveable and unloved, He has soaked me in love and he threw away my rule book, giving me a simple set of rules, love and go and giving me the fruits of the Spirit that come naturally. I never knew that. I am a new creation and I am His.

Test3

End of.

but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength;
    they will fly up on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not be tired;
    they will walk and not be weary. Isaiah 40:31 CEB

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