In the blogging sphere there are a few posts I read a week. I am not a prolific reader of other people’s opinions. I read Andy’s because he is fighting the good fight in the down and dirty places, being real, keeping it real and loving God. He posted on saying “No” this morning and I began to comment and then it got bigger than a comment (there is a standardly acceptable length of reply in the comment section of a blog) so decided to jump on his topic and post.

The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. The greatest form of praise is the sound of consecrated feet seeking out the lost and helpless.
Billy Graham


When is it acceptable to say “no” to someone? 

Let’s start with the obvious ones. Say “no” to anything you have an addiction to. For example if you are addicted to gambling avoid bingo. If your addiction is alcohol say “no” to a wee dram. We kinda get that don’t we. 

BUT what if we are addicted to “oh you are so good” “thank you so much, you are really special”

If we are addicted to being needed, being loved, being liked then saying no to people poses a problem. 

I think it can even be a “look I am being good, don’t look to closely though” or even a penance for past behaviours. 

Getting uncomfortable? Let’s go back to our beginning. We are all sinners. All sin is equal (this not Animal Farm where some sin is more equal than others). What else are we:


We are children of God. basking in the glow of his love.


We say no to many things without realising it because everything we think, do and say is for his glory. So we don’t murder, we don’t ….(having problems as usual remembering the rest)


If it is not for his glory – don’t do it


If it is because someone is looking for the easy way- help them get it done (not you do it)


Automatically saying yes because you want to be liked or loved is not doing yourself or God any favours because He loves you more than you could ever imagine and are you falling over backwards making yourself ill for his love. NO.

We fall over backwards helping humans, saying yes to humans, when we should be making time and saying yes to God.


His love is freely given, no codicils, no amendments, no nothing HE LOVES YOU


We are called to love everyone like that – no judgements no nothing just love.


What about the people asking you?

Well you could be the latest in a long line of people to be asked


as is more common – you have always said yes in the past so you are the only one asked.

Have you ever had a conversation with people who pause before answering, we need that, you need that, I need that. That pause is enough to quickly discern – is it for the glory of God for you to do this? can you do it? do you have time? do you want to do it? is it something you need to do?

Person A “Will you give me a lift to Dublin?”

Person B “Sure, when?”

Have you learned nothing – this is how it should be:

Person A “Will you give me a lift to Dublin?”

Person B thinks – am I going to Dublin – no, “Actually no I am not going that way at all.”



I have a simple rule I live by – if I want something back don’t lend it because people break things, lose things, forget they have borrowed things, all kinds of reason why something doesn’t get returned. Bonus- it gets returned.

If I ask someone to do something, first I have to accept that they might do it differently to me, they might break/ lose whatever it and most importantly it is an ASK. Asking suggests more than one possible answer. The person might say no.

Now people can surround the asking with flattery and stuff but it is still an ask, which means more than one answer.

So offence – that shouldn’t happen. 


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